When it comes to self-image, if you're a woman, chances are that you've spent moments at the mirror that have run the gamut from positive to negative and everything in between. We've all caught a glimpse of something we really liked about ourselves in a mirror, as well as perhaps something we didn't like so much. This post is about the latter...Why is it, that when we see something that we like about ourselves in the mirror, it seldom carries as much weight as something we DON'T like about ourselves?
Why do we fixate on the dimple over there, the blemish up here and the strands of hair that won't cooperate instead of the amazing texture of our lips, the perfectly formed landscape of our cheekbones, and the incredible depth of our own eyes? Why, when someone else points out one of our beautiful features, do we shyly look away and mutter some surprised response to their 'kindness' or a self-deprecating retort, or disbelief that someone finds ANYTHING about us attractive? We had to have learned this avoidance and these self-scrutinizing tactics somewhere...It seems too easy to blame the media. After all, TVs can be shut off, radios can be tuned out, print media can be closed and internet can be disconnected. There is something deeper in our core, as women, that affords us a 'free pass' to dissect ourselves, loathe our faces, bodies, brains, abilities, in a way that we would never dream of speaking to or treating one of our friends.
I never saw my father sit in front of a mirror and pick apart his face, or worry about the firmness of his butt in his jeans. I never saw my grandfather run from an unexpected visitor to 'put his face on', or any of my uncles ever say they didn't want to go out because they were feeling bloated. However, every single female relative that I grew up watching at some point or another made mention of her imperfections with amazing ease and confidence that, in her chosen area of complaint, she sucked.
All of my friends had moms and sisters that did the same. Every sleepover I went to, girls talked badly about themselves, some of their mothers added to the mix by 'helping us' do facials, to rid us of our "unsightly skin issues", and giving us advice about bikini waxing "nobody wants to see a stray hair, it's just ugly, girls!!", and proper eyebrow plucking techniques "You're going to need a monthly visit to the waxing salon, honey". I often would curl up into my Garfield sleeping bag and wonder what was wrong with my eyebrows, and how would I ever endure the embarrassment of a bikini wax, or worse, what if I had an ugly stray hair somewhere!!
Every negative thing I ever heard about my own body or my looks or my brains or my abilities came from women whom I looked up to or respected. I later began this inner monologue and outer self-deprecation with gusto...They (for the most part) had no malicious intent, but somehow their words stung and affected me in a way that I cannot fully articulate today. I have thought long and hard about the image I project to my nieces, and I hope that I have never said anything to them to make them feel bad about any part of themselves...but deep inside, I know I have, because I've allowed myself the free pass to dissect myself and I've engaged in negative self-talk about myself in front of them!! I'm horrified by this. If I am allowing myself to say bad things about me in front of them, that in turn, passes the baton to them to feel bad about themselves in an intangible way. I'm not saying that the men in our lives are completely innocent of this kind of talk and behavior...what I am saying is that we 'allow' this talk from men, because we are programmed to join in the bashing from an early age.
I'm starting a habit of not saying bad things about myself. I hope you think about what you say about yourselves too, and spend some time getting acquainted with yourself (every single last cell of you) in your own mirror..take self-portraits with your phone, post positive comments to yourself on Facebook and Tweet good stuff about your fabulous self to the whole world....after all no one else's opinion of you matters...we must stop the negative self-talk, and we must not raise more generations of girls who become women that do not understand their own awesomeness...
If you need me, I'll be gazing lovingly into my own blue-green eyes...
xoxo Me
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Well, Lookee Here...!
When it comes to self-image, if you're a woman, chances are that you've spent moments at the mirror that have run the gamut from positive to negative and everything in between. We've all caught a glimpse of something we really liked about ourselves in a mirror, as well as perhaps something we didn't like so much. This post is about the latter...Why is it, that when we see something that we like about ourselves in the mirror, it seldom carries as much weight as something we DON'T like about ourselves?
Why do we fixate on the dimple over there, the blemish up here and the strands of hair that won't cooperate instead of the amazing texture of our lips, the perfectly formed landscape of our cheekbones, and the incredible depth of our own eyes? Why, when someone else points out one of our beautiful features, do we shyly look away and mutter some surprised response to their 'kindness' or a self-deprecating retort, or disbelief that someone finds ANYTHING about us attractive? We had to have learned this avoidance and these self-scrutinizing tactics somewhere...It seems too easy to blame the media. After all, TVs can be shut off, radios can be tuned out, print media can be closed and internet can be disconnected. There is something deeper in our core, as women, that affords us a 'free pass' to dissect ourselves, loathe our faces, bodies, brains, abilities, in a way that we would never dream of speaking to or treating one of our friends.
I never saw my father sit in front of a mirror and pick apart his face, or worry about the firmness of his butt in his jeans. I never saw my grandfather run from an unexpected visitor to 'put his face on', or any of my uncles ever say they didn't want to go out because they were feeling bloated. However, every single female relative that I grew up watching at some point or another made mention of her imperfections with amazing ease and confidence that, in her chosen area of complaint, she sucked.
All of my friends had moms and sisters that did the same. Every sleepover I went to, girls talked badly about themselves, some of their mothers added to the mix by 'helping us' do facials, to rid us of our "unsightly skin issues", and giving us advice about bikini waxing "nobody wants to see a stray hair, it's just ugly, girls!!", and proper eyebrow plucking techniques "You're going to need a monthly visit to the waxing salon, honey". I often would curl up into my Garfield sleeping bag and wonder what was wrong with my eyebrows, and how would I ever endure the embarrassment of a bikini wax, or worse, what if I had an ugly stray hair somewhere!!
Every negative thing I ever heard about my own body or my looks or my brains or my abilities came from women whom I looked up to or respected. I later began this inner monologue and outer self-deprecation with gusto...They (for the most part) had no malicious intent, but somehow their words stung and affected me in a way that I cannot fully articulate today. I have thought long and hard about the image I project to my nieces, and I hope that I have never said anything to them to make them feel bad about any part of themselves...but deep inside, I know I have, because I've allowed myself the free pass to dissect myself and I've engaged in negative self-talk about myself in front of them!! I'm horrified by this. If I am allowing myself to say bad things about me in front of them, that in turn, passes the baton to them to feel bad about themselves in an intangible way. I'm not saying that the men in our lives are completely innocent of this kind of talk and behavior...what I am saying is that we 'allow' this talk from men, because we are programmed to join in the bashing from an early age.
I'm starting a habit of not saying bad things about myself. I hope you think about what you say about yourselves too, and spend some time getting acquainted with yourself (every single last cell of you) in your own mirror..take self-portraits with your phone, post positive comments to yourself on Facebook and Tweet good stuff about your fabulous self to the whole world....after all no one else's opinion of you matters...we must stop the negative self-talk, and we must not raise more generations of girls who become women that do not understand their own awesomeness...
If you need me, I'll be gazing lovingly into my own blue-green eyes...
xoxo Me
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